Year by Year
by Ahmiri
Summary: A story depicting the years Yuki spent with Akito; one chapter for every year and each chapter contain one or two events from that year to show the slow progression of his personality.
1. Year 1

**This isn't what I wanted to post today. At all. You see, it's Yuki's twenty-ninth birthday today (August 26****th****) and thanks to my friend, Emzi-chan, who helped me to brainstorm a few nights ago I had a happy fluffy story all planned out. But… I couldn't get it typed out in time and now we have the start of an angsty depressing story. I'm sorry, Yuki-kun… I will post that birthday story though, just not on the correct day. (500 words is this fluffy fluffy scene that's borderline citrus and I haven't even finished it yet. ^^) **

**Now, this story is my rendering of Yuki's past. Each chapter covers events from one year that he was there. I'm trying to show the slow progression over the years to who is when he's finally released. Okay? Keep that in mind. Also, the chapters may be short or long, depending on events depicted and time needed.**

**Disclaimer: I don't Fruits Basket or its characters and all rights go to Natsuki Takaya.**

Year 1 – Five Years Old

I don't know where she went, but she'll come back. Mother's going to take me home soon. I know she will. Sometimes I don't think she loves me but I know that she wouldn't leave me somewhere. She wouldn't do that, even if she doesn't love me all the time.

"You know, Yuki," Akito says, "The Rat and the god of the Zodiac are very close." We're out in the gardens so that Akito can get fresh air like Hatori's parents said he should.

"Oh," I say. "That's why I'm here?"

He looks annoyed. "No, stupid, you're here because your mother didn't want you anymore."

My eyes widen. That's not true, is it? She wants me, doesn't she? But Akito just said that she didn't and Akito hasn't lied to me before.

"Don't look so shocked," he says. "Besides, I'll always love you, Yuki, even if no one else does."

Yes, Akito would always love me. I don't understand exactly how I feel about him myself. I do love him, but there are times that I don't want to be around him. I want to both run to him and run away. It doesn't make any sense, and I try not to think about it.

But maybe he was lying, and maybe she does love me, and she'll come back. She'll take me home and away from the main house. She'll understand if I tell her how much I hate it here. Won't she?

OoOoO

Two days later, Mother comes to see me. I knew it! She's going to take me home! She does love me! Akito watches silently as I run up to and hug her leg and then take hold of the fabric of her blouse.

"Am I going home now? Can I go home with you?" I ask, looking up at her.

"Yuki, what are you saying? Don't you like it here?" She looks annoyed and I don't know why. Doesn't she want me at home? Isn't that why she's here?

Akito's watching and I know that I can't answer her truthfully without hurting him. I don't want to hurt Akito, so I don't say anything and only hold onto Mother more tightly. I hope she understands because this is the only way I can say what I'm feeling.

"Yuki, let go," she says, her voice sounding irritated.

I can't. She's my mother and I want to be near her. She does love me, doesn't she? She wants me, right?

"Yuki!" Her voice is a little louder and I squeeze my eyes shut, holding on with clenched fists still hoping that she'll understand. "Yuki, I said to let go!" She pushes me away and starts to leave.

"No! Mother, wait!" I run after her and she turns around to look at me. Her eyes are cold, but she must love me if she's going to take me home.

What happens then, I don't understand. She slaps me and tells me that I'm being disobedient. I try to make sense of it so I can know what I did wrong and can do better the next time. I just wanted to go home and be with her. Why was it wrong?

"Stay here," Mother says before walking away and leaving me behind with Akito.

"M-mother?" I say, holding a hand up to my face.

"See? I was right," says Akito. "But it's okay, because I'll always love you." He holds open his arms and I go to him. Akito loves me. That's enough, I think. Mother doesn't love me anymore, and I'm not sure why. I don't understand what I've done to make her not want me anymore, but it doesn't matter as long Akito will love me, right?

After all, Akito was right, Mother doesn't want me, but even though she doesn't he still does. I stay in his lap and let him hold me, hugging him back as hard as I can.

***weeps* I'm a terrible person for posting this on his birthday! Terrible! But, despite that, what did you think? Please review! It was a little difficult to write from a five-year-old's point of view, so how did I do? Review! Please?**


	2. Year 2

**I'm posting two chapters for Yuki's birthday. Yep. *apologizes repeatedly to Yuki* I know this a terrible way to note your birthday, I know it is! I'm so sorry, Yuki-kun! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket or its characters. All rights go to Natsuki Takaya.**

Year Two: Six Years Old

"Aren't you going to eat, Yuki?" Akito asks me.

I look down at the food, and there's even some crab on the plate. Even if its one of my favorites, I'm not hungry. "I-I'm not very hungry," I admit aloud.

"Why not?" Akito takes another bite of food, looking at me curiously. "I even made them prepare crab for you."

I pick up my chopsticks, deciding to force myself to eat if it will make Akito happy. "I know. And I'm very grateful." I quickly eat some of the crab. "Thank you."

Akito never smiles, but sometimes he looks pleased with himself when he's happy. I like to try and make him happy, so that he'll love me more. He's the only one who pays attention to me or speaks to me, so I try to make him happy so he'll want to spend more time with me.

I want him to be happy.

OoOoO

It's only a few days later and Akito is watching the rain outside the window. I sit nearby, keeping him company. "Yuki," he says, beckoning me over. "Look. Do you see that flower?" He points to a blue one that's growing in part of the gardens outside the window.

I nod, not sure if he wants me to speak or not.

"Go get it for me."

If I go out in the rain, it might make my bronchitis act up, but it will also make Akito happy, so I quickly go to the nearest door leading to the outside. The rain is freezing and it pounds against my face and arms.

Where's the flower? I start to cough, looking around desperately for it. If Akito has that flower, then he'll be happy with me. I have to find the flower.

There. I see it being pelted down by the rain, water dripping off of its delicate petals. I run forward and quickly grasp it in one hand, picking it from its place.

I can't stop coughing and I know that if I don't get inside soon I'm going to have an attack. My coughing fit gets worse as I reach the door. My hand shakes when I reach for it but it won't open. I push harder, but it's locked. No!

Gasping air, I run to another door but it too is locked. I try all of them, one after another and all of them all the same. I've been locked out in the rain.

Akito. He's by the window isn't he? If I go there he'll have one of the doors unlocked for me. I can hardly breathe, but I keep that flower tight in my hand I as I try to move forward to get to Akito's window.

Suddenly, everything turns frighteningly dark and hazy and I fall onto the wet ground, only thin whispers of air making it to my lungs. As a response to the stress, my body phases into its rat form and my fur is instantly soaked by the rain. I keep the flower grasped in my paws and try to hide from the rain under my now empty clothes.

Somebody! Please find me!

I grasp at my throat, hoping for my breath to come back. I… I can't breathe! What do I do? I have to get help, but where from? Panic sets in, but I don't even have the strength to look up for some sort of help.

"Yuki!" A voice that sounds like Hatori's reaches my ears faintly. I feel some one scoop me up from the cold ground, but through my terror I don't quite register it. All I can think about is how I can't breathe.

With my mind spinning and lungs on fire, my eyes begin to close involuntarily as I pass out while holding Akito's flower close to my chest.

OoOoO

I don't bother opening my eyes when I come back into consciousness, instead letting myself listen to the soft conversation around me.

"You can't do that," Hatori's father says. "Leaving him out in the rain like that could kill him."

"He doesn't look dead to me," Akito says.

"But he could have been if he'd been out there much longer."

Akito makes a dismissive sound. "He didn't, though. Besides, I can do whatever I like with him; he's mine and only mine. No one else cares about him."

I fight back tears; they can't know I'm awake. It isn't true. It can't be true. I don't want to hear anymore and force myself to go to sleep so I can't hear Akito's painful words, however true they may be.

**:'( This story is so sad; I almost didn't like writing it. But I do enjoy writing this type of thing, and that makes me wonder sometimes… Anyway, please review! As always, I'll respond if you leave it signed (FF doesn't let me respond to anonymous obviously). Please review! It makes my day to hear what you have to think.**

**Also, I'll be updating every Friday. Hopefully. But that's when you can look for chapters.**


	3. Year 3

**Here we are again. Our subject for the chapter is mostly Ayame, but the dark room is brought into the picture too. Not much to say for this AN... Usually I have two paragraphs just here, but I don't have anything to say this time.**

**Disclaimer: I do not Fruits Basket or its epic characters. All envious copyright goes to Natsuki Takaya. **

Year Three: Seven Years Old

Mother's coming again today. I haven't seen her for months, but she's coming to see me. More than anything, I wish she would say that I can come home and that I don't have to stay here anymore. This isn't what other children have; I know that. I've seen others at school when their parents come to get them sometimes. They're always happy to see each other.

It always looks so… warm.

Some of them have siblings too, and I see them together. They smile and tease each other, laughing. Sometimes they fight, but the next week they're always smiling again. I have a brother, but ever since I came here, I've hardly seen him. He didn't speak to me before either. He's never paid attention to me at all.

"What are you thinking about, my Yuki?" Akito asks.

I jump in surprise; his voice has that dangerous tone to it. He's had that tone more and more recently. It scares me. Whenever he gets that tone it means that I have to be careful. Ever since a few months ago he's started hitting me and screaming, usually after he starts to speak like he is now.

"I- I wasn't thinking," I lie, hoping he won't get mad at me.

Akito touches my face, running his fingers from left ear and along my jaw. "Is that the truth?"

"Yes," I say, the word coming out as a whisper.

Without warning, Akito's eyes shift to a frighteningly cold gaze. He shoves me backward, and I fall. He stands over me, his small fists clenched by his side. "I'm the most important," his says, his voice getting louder. "I'm your god! How dare you lie to me!"

"Pl- Please, I didn't mean it!" I want to run, but I don't. "I'm sorry."

Akito kicks my stomach. "I'm going to have to punish you now, Yuki." He grabs my arm and pulls me to my feet. "This is why we had to make that room; so that you would be able to learn where you belong."

I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to will myself to pull away from him, but I can't. "No! Don't make me go back in there, Akito! I'll be good, I promise."

"But you're a liar, Yuki. I can't believe you if you say that you'll behave."

I hate it in that room. It's dark in there, and I can't see or hear anything but Akito. When he yanks me forward to drag me to my fate, I open my eyes and see my brother standing there in the doorway watching.

"N- Nii-san!" I say, desperate. "Help me."

Ayame blinks, surprised. Whenever I glimpse him, he's always smiling and acting like a fool. He never looks the way he does now; confused and at the same time, uncaring. Without a word, he turns and walks away, not even bothering to look back.

Akito's hand is wrapped tightly around my arm, almost cutting off the circulation as he takes me to that room. I can't help it, and start to cry. I always try not to cry in front of Akito, because I know that he doesn't like it, but this time I can't hold back. It's not because his tight grip is hurting me, although it is. But it's because the one person that I had hoped I could count on, my brother, turned away from me.

He doesn't want me either.

Akito opens the door to the dark room, pushing me inside, before smacking me with the back of his hand. "Would you stop crying! You're so pathetic!"

I try to stifle my crying at least a little, but then through the open door I can see Mother and Ayame standing together; Mother's watching with an indifferent gaze and Ayame's facing her with his back to the room.

"You need to think, Yuki," Akito says, moving towards the door. "You need to think about the wrong you've done by lying to me. You should _want_ to please me! I'm the only one who will ever love you! I'm the only one who _can_."

Mother and Nii-san start to move away, and I know that what Akito says is true. For the briefest moment I think that I see Nii-san's eyes flicker, and that his eyes meet mine with something like pity. But I know it's only a lie.

Akito closes the door, and all sound and light disappear. The only thing I have in this room is knowing that no one can ever want me or love me. That's all I will have until Akito decides to let me out.

In the darkness, I find my corner where, in the blackness, my mind replays over and over again my mother's uncaring gaze, Nii-san turning away from me, and Akito's hand striking my ear.

No one can ever love me.

I bury my face in my knees, that one truth almost as suffocating as the darkness.

**I don't have anything to say here either. I must have gone mute or something. But please review! What did you think? Any thoughts you might I have, I want to hear! They make the moon glow brighter and the sunrise even prettier. (Who knows, I might even wake up in time to see it!) Review! Review!**


	4. Year 4

**This is the shortest one yet. Wow. Only 600+ words... Like I said earlier, these chapters are going to range in length, so I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean for any of these to be quite _this _short. Now, I'd like to thank my lone reviewer last chapter: Emzi-chan! Thank you for reviewing! ^_^ Also I'd like to thank my two anonymous reviewers of the first two chapters and respond to them here.**

**rabidOfAmethystEyesfan: Oh my. Your name scares me, but thank you! I'm taking it as a compliment. Your whole review is one big compliment, so I thank you so very much for all of your kind words.**

**-no name-: If your roommate thinks your crazy, you can join the club. My sister shares my room and I'm pretty sure that she's heard some odd things coming from my mouth while I sleep. Not too mention all my Furuba stuff all over our room.**

**HmFreak: And I less than three all of my reviewers. 3 Also, a question. By 'HM' do you mean Harvest Moon? If so... CliffxClaire! ...My Cliffles... ^^**

Year Four: Eight Years Old

Akito's different now. Almost every day when I get home from school he sends me to the dark room and makes me sit and listen as he says terrible things. I _hate_ them. I don't want them to believe them, but I know as he keeps saying them over and over again that I am everything that he says I am. Worthless. Unwanted. Unloved. Pathetic. Useless. They're all true and Akito isn't lying.

I hope that Akito won't be waiting for me as I creep to my room to drop off my school bag and change out of my uniform. If he doesn't realize that I'm back, he won't be able to make me go to the dark room. I avoid everyone on the way there, and walk as quietly as I can.

I make it, and the room is empty; Akito isn't waiting for me there. I breathe a sigh of relief, closing the door behind me. As I change, I smile to myself knowing that I'll actually be able to do the work that I brought home with me. Usually, Akito doesn't let me and I have to pay extra close attention during class so that I can get all the homework done before I even leave school and also so I won't have to study if there are ever tests or quizzes. I like school because it's the one thing that I'm permitted to do outside the main house.

Just as I sit down with my school books, the door to my room slams open and Akito is standing there with a cold look in his eyes. My hopes fall and I know that I won't be able to do my homework after all.

"Akito," I say, softly closing the books.

"Yuki." Akito's voice is flat. "Come with me." He stretches out his hand and I climb off my bed to take it, shuddering a little at the physical contact.

Without a word, he leads me straight to the dark room and closes the door behind us. The minute the blackness swallows the room I want to scream. But I don't since I know Akito will only be angry. Akito pushes me towards the corner I always sit in and I don't even resist; willingly sinking down to sit there because I know it will please him.

I hate this room. I still remember the day Akito made me help him paint it black. I had a hard time breathing with the paint fumes suffocating me, but we had to paint coat after coat until every wall and every empty space was covered.

"Yuki…" Akito sits down across from me and starts touching my face, his fingers cold and dry. "Tell me, why is it that you sneak around like you do? Why don't you come to me unless I call you?"

My body feels numb as he continues to stroke the side of my face. "I don't mean to," I whisper. "I'm sorry."

"Of course you are. But I know why you do it." He leans in right next to my ear, dropping his voice to a soft tone. "It's in a rat's nature to be sneaky and untrustworthy. That's why people stay away from you. They hate you because they can't trust you. The Rat's hated, isn't he, Yuki? You can't escape your nature, can you? Sneaky, untrustworthy, trickster. Who wants those traits? It makes you so useless."

I don't make a sound. I'm not supposed to; I just have to listen. If he hits me, it's because I've done something wrong to make him angry. It's my own fault. Sometimes, I don't even know why he hurts me, but I can't do anything about it. Just like I have to listen to his words, I have to allow him to do whatever he wants to me. If he wants to beat me, he can. If he wants to starve me, he can do that too. No one would care anyway.

He's my god. There's no other option. I can't fight him, can't block out what he says to me. And what he says is only ever the truth. Only the smallest part of me can truly question him, his words, and his actions.

He's my god. There's no other option.

**Like I said, it's short. Gomen ne, miina... But even all of it's short, please review! *giggles* I less than three all of my reviewers, remember? ^^**


	5. Year 5

**I'm losing faith in this story seeing as my only three reviewers last chapter were anonymous and the chapter before that only had one signed review. :( It's depressing. But now, I'll respond to my much-loved signed reviews.**

**-no name-: Lol, okay now I know your 'name'. It is too bad that they take away symbols. I wish they wouldn't. **

**rabidOfAmethystEyesfan: You're still weeping? O_O I'll take that as a... good thing?**

**HMFreak: Oh, GrayxClaire is another pairing that I like from Harvest Moon. I've just married Cliff three different times now. I love my angsty freeloader! Do you play More Friends of Mineral Town, then? **

Chapter Five: Nine Years Old

It's Golden Week. There's no school and I'm spending every day in the dark room. I haven't seen any light in days and my back and ribs hurt from a beating I received yesterday. No one's brought any food today or yesterday. Akito hasn't been back since he beat me and I hope he doesn't come.

But at the same time, I hope he does. I want to see him even though just the thought frightens me.

Hours pass in the darkness until the door opens and some one comes across the room in silence. I watch the figure, knowing by the footsteps that it isn't Akito.

"Yuki?" Hatori's voice is gentle. "How are you feeling?"

I don't say anything. I've learned that if I don't speak I can keep my thoughts and words without risking having them denied or used against me.

Hatori kneels in front of my curled form. "I need to make sure you're all right."

Akito's sent him. He hasn't finished medical school yet, but he knows enough and Akito likes to keep ugly things like this inside the circle of the Zodiac.

There isn't much for him to treat except for a few throbbing cuts. Other than that there was only dark bruising and overall pain that Hatori can do nothing about.

"They wouldn't let me bring any food for you, but I did try."

Each time that Hatori touches me, however gently, I tense and flinch away. As Akito's grown more and more violent I've grown into a fear of human touch. It doesn't matter who it is, loving or not, to me it's all the same. Akito, Haru, and Hatori are the only ones who don't hold back from me but the amount of time spent with Akito far outweighs time spent with anyone else.

And despite my efforts not to, I still blame Hatori. It's been about a year since he took away the memories of my friends. I haven't been able to look at him the same way since then. I still trust him, but I can't seem to get past the fact that he had a part in taking away my one happiness. For the first time in my life I had had friends and had been accepted until it had been stolen away. It was and still is the only thing I want; to be accepted by people and know that they want me and won't turn away from me.

Hatori stands, apologizes, and leaves me to my thoughts and the darkness.

OoOoO

The next day, Akito returns with food. It's not much and I expect he only wants to keep me healthy. I can feel his eyes on me as I eat and try not to look as hungry as I really am.

Once I finish, he asks, "Are you grateful, Yuki?"

Akito knows I won't answer and I force myself not to look at him.

"I need you to look at me, Yuki. I need to know if you're grateful." Akito comes closer and I can feel his breath on my down turned face. "Look at me," he hisses.

Attempting to hide my fear, I slowly raise my head and look at him. Akito holds eye contact for minutes on end and I'm helpless with his eyes staring so deeply into mine. I can't look away, can't think of anything but him, can't feel anything but fear and a longing to be close to the person who torments me.

"That's much better." Akito sits back and I'm freed from his gaze, my body trembling from its intensity. "Now I know that you're grateful. I thought I might have to teach you how to be grateful to me. You wouldn't want that, would you?"

I start to return my head to my knees but Akito grabs my hair and wrenches my face back up. "I didn't say that you could look away!"

He holds me in a state of paralysis and begins whispering awful things to me, smiling when the silent tears finally come. Useless. Pathetic. Weak. Unloved. Ignorant. Unneeded.

Hours later, he leaves the room, the door closing with an onimous thud. I curl tightly into myself, what Akito said playing back in my mind. I don't want hear it! I don't! I cover my ears in a tight grip, but it's only a vain attempt to keep that terrible voice out of my mind.

I try to think of the one time six months ago that I _was_ needed. Of that girl. Ever since then, I do this after Akito leaves and whenever I feel the truths about myself that he tells me suffocating. I think of her and she… she _saves_ me from some of the pain. It's stupid and weak of me to depend on a memory that way, but I do. For however short a time, she had needed me. It was months ago and I know that she's forgotten me by now, but for that moment she'd needed me. Me and no one else.

I almost forget about Akito as I think of her, but that release can never last long. _"Your own mother doesn't want you. Even she doesn't need you. If she doesn't need you then who could?"_

I can never escape it. I can never escape _him_.

**Yep, I just put some Yukiru in a fanfiction where he doesn't even know her name. ^^ I also gave a nod to the whole mother-figure idea. Bleh. :P I didn't mean to, but it's there and I won't change it. **

**Please, please, please tell me what you think. I really do want to know! There's a reason I try to beg reviews out of you for every chapter. below this message you'll see a place to click to leave a review. I will have my pet rats (Yuki and Smee) perform stand on their back legs (to the command 'Honda-san' ^^) for every time you do. *puppy dog eyes* Please?**


	6. Year 6

**I'm late, I know. Sometimes I'm early, and sometimes I post within a few hours of midnight on the days I mean to. But this time... I'm just late. Sorry! However, I have exciting news. I now have a blog! No links are ever aloud on but just look for "OfAmethystEyes" on blogspot and you should be able to find me. There will also be a link on my profile. I think you can follow it even without a blogspot account, so please feel free to! **

**Anyway, this chapter has Kyo in it. Yep, he's important too. He actually plays a vital part in convincing Yuki that no one wants or needs him. If you you remember it is Kyo's comment that Yuki shouldn't exist that drove him, as an eight-year-old, to have suicidal thoughts and wonder if the world would be better off without him. That was part of the last straw that completely destroyed the naivety that he had before. - That's how I see Yuki and Kyo's interaction in childhood. Hopefully, you'll see some of that in this chapter.**

**Thank you to my reviewers of last chapter: aki-chan, mousecat, wolfeclipse25, The love of Sorrow, and IlikeYuki. I haven't responded to your reviews yet, and I'm sorry. It's next on my list!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket and its characters. All rights go to Natsuki Takaya.**

Year Six: Ten Years Old

"What's _he_ doing here?" Kyo kicks at a wall when I come into the dojo. "Why does he have to come?"

Shut up, I want to say. But I don't. I'm still not speaking even if I want to snap at this stupid boy. Kazuma is explaining to Kyo that I'm going to be learning at the dojo now as well, and Haru quickly comes over and takes me to sit with him.

"I'm glad you're here," he says.

I nod. I am too. I never come out of the dark room except for school and now I'll get to come here as well. Hatori suggested that it might do me good to move around more instead of sitting in the dark room all the time. Akito told me that even martial arts can't change how weak I am, but that he was allowing me to learn because he cares about me.

I don't think that's true. I don't think he cares about me at all except to be his toy.

Kyo glares at me and I think he hissed too. Stupid cat. Why is he so busy being angry at me when he has _everything_? He should be grateful. I'd give anything to be like him. I don't really know what happened to his real parents but he has Kazuma and he's treated like a loved and cherished son. Doesn't he realize how special that is?

I wanted to be his friend and I thought that maybe he'd be my friend. It would have made me happy to have him as a friend. But he hates me just like everybody else. I hardly said anything to him and he yelled at me for being the Rat and told me I shouldn't exist. Would it make him happy to know that Akito tells me things like that all the time? Would it make him happy that I, too, wish I didn't exist?

"Hey." Haru nudges me. "Just so you know, I'm looking forward to seeing you more often. Now that you're coming here."

"Hatsuharu-san," Kazuma says. "I want you to show Yuki-san the basic stances and offensive moves."

"Yes, Shishou." Haru gets up and gestures for me to do the same. Then he shows me a few different things; how to set my feet and my hands, how to block a few different defensive exercises, and also how to do a high kick. "I'm probably not supposed to show you this yet," he says, demonstrating the high kick again. "But I think you'll like it."

Suddenly, I feel cold and I know why. I look at the door of the dojo and see Akito standing there, watching me. My eyes dart away and I try to concentrate on what Haru's telling me. I can hear him though. Akito's saying something to Kazuma and I don't know what it is, but I can hear the tones of his voice from across the room.

A little while later, Kazuma comes up to me. "Akito-san requested to see you and Kyo fight."

What? Why? I don't know enough yet. I can't do that. Akito just wants to prove to me how weak I am. But… is that really it? Or does he just want to use me for his entertainment, as usual?

Nonetheless, I follow Kazuma over to where Kyo is. I can feel Akito watching me, feel the dangerous smile of his. I want to run. I don't want to do this. Not for Akito and not for myself. Kazuma explains to Kyo what Akito wants us to do and he _smiles_. He actually likes the idea of bending to Akito's wishes.

"You're gonna lose, you damn rat."

Or he just wants to fight because he hates me.

Kazuma explains to me how a dojo fight works and it seems basic enough. Kyo stands there and scoffs at me for not knowing, but I ignore him.

Kazuma steps away, leaving us in the middle of the floor, facing eachother.

Kyo looks pleased and confident, as if he just _knows_ he's going to win in the same way he _knows_ that I'm worthless. I already know that. He never had to tell me. He's so stupid I hate him. I hate him for his stupidity and because he has everything that I want and can't have and still doesn't seem happy. He's an idiot and he doesn't know anything.

Even now, I can feel Akito watching and evaluating me. Waiting. Making a judgment to be carried out once I'm forced back into the dark room. And positive or negative, I'll hate it. There isn't any kind of attention that I get from Akito that I enjoy.

I miss something while I'm thinking and suddenly I feel Kyo's fist connect with my jaw, snapping my teeth together onto my tongue and making it bleed a little.

"Ha! So there!" Kyo says, coming at me again.

Remembering what Haru had time to show me, I quickly block him before he can hit me and then mimic something close to what Kyo did earlier when he'd hit me, somehow managing to strike his stomach.

It doesn't take long for the fight to end. I continue blocking everything he throws at me with defense, and occasionally try some offense. But what I really want to do is… There. That's my opening.

As quickly as I can, I attempt the high kick that Haru showed me. Surprisingly, my foot finds his chest with enough force send him backwards and then down to the floor.

Apparently, that means I win. The fight's over and Kazuma asks Kyo if he's all right and then me.

I look at Akito and he seems pleased. I don't care; I didn't do it for him.

OoOoO

Later that night, I curl up in the corner of the dark room with the blanket that is usually brought if I'm expected to stay there overnight. It's cold as always and, of course, it's forever dark.

Please, I silently beg, somebody let me out.

I wrap myself in the blanket. It's black just like everything else in here, but it does little against the cold. I won't sleep, I know. I can never sleep in here, and the truth is, I'm scared to. I'm scared of Akito finding me sleeping like he did one time. I press myself farther into the corner, trying not to remember how angry he was with me. He'd screamed at me and then started kicking me in the stomach, head, back, chest, anything he could reach. I had thought I was going to die.

But it's not just Akito I'm scared of. I'm scared that if I fall asleep in this darkness, I'll never wake up. I know it's stupid, but what if I _don't_ wake up? What if I lose all chance of seeing light again and the darkness swallows me completely? So I force myself to stay awake no matter how tired I am, for the sake of watching for light.

I'll never sleep in this room. Never. I'll sit in this darkness for hours, waiting and watching for the end of the night, each hour seeming like a decade. And every minute as terrifying as the last.

**What'd you think? I don't know if there are many Kyo fans reading this, although there must be some, but I hope you appreciated his appearance. If this seemed like a Kyo-bashing chapter, I apologize. Remember, I'm writing from the head of an angsty ten-year-old Yuki! I don't have anything against Kyo at all, except that he got the girl that I still wish Yuki had ended up with. T_T**

**Please review! Please? I sincerely appreciate them! They make me feel like a chocolate chip cookie! I love them! So please review and tell me what you thought.**


	7. Year 7

**Ha ha! I'm actually updating on time! *claps* I really do try, but life can get in the way if you know what I mean. Thank you to mousecat and HitodeDaikazoku for reviewing chapter six! I appreciate it! Just as a note, I'm reading the third Harry Potter book right now and it cracks me up that Hermione's orange cat hates Ron's rat. ^^ Even my brother thought it was ironic and he's an anime hater!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket or its characters and all rights go to the creator, Natsuki Takaya. However, I'm working on gaining the rights to Yuki and Tohru so I can write an alternate Fruits Basket story in novel form to be published in Japan and in the US. *sigh* It's a nice thought anyway. **

Year Seven: Eleven Years Old

"Come with me, Yuki," Akito says, opening the door and letting light stream into the room. I stand up and, although fearful of what Akito wants, I'm eager to escape the darkness. I don't care what he does to me as long as I can be free.

Once I step out into the light I have to squint against the brightness. Akito makes a disgusted sound and motions for me to follow him. I do, and he leads into his room where hands me fresh clean clothes and then points to the bathroom. "Go clean yourself up and put those on." His voice is slightly condescending, but he's not angry or displeased. "I want you to accompany me this afternoon."

Oh. One of these days. He probably won't hurt me, then. He just wants to show me off and let everyone look at me – the member of the Zodiac hardly seen anymore. Akito's little favorite, they always think. Except for those who know the truth of it.

OoOoO

I'm sitting next to Akito on one side of the room. We're half in shadow, really, but that's where he demanded we be. Almost all the Zodiac is there, except Haru and Kagura. I've never understood why Akito does this, but he calls them all together and just watches them interact. He stares at them and then after a while he sends them away.

It'll be at least two hours yet and then Akito will decide what happens next. It's always the same though during these meetings; people who are meant to be my family and share the same burden that I do dart one glance at me and then seemingly pretend that I'm not there. That's all. There will never be any more acknowledgement than that.

"What do you think, Yuki?" Akito's soft whisper makes me jump. "No one cares, do they?"

Please don't say it, I want to beg. I know that. I know that no one cares about me. He doesn't have to tell me. But I know that he likes to tell me… over and over again.

Momiji shoves a chess board at Hatori, exuberantly demanding that he play. I watch silently as Hatori consents and they begin to set up the pieces.

"You don't have any friends, do you, Yuki? Why do you think that is? Hmm?"

Hatori moves first, sending out a pawn two places. I try to concentrate on the game movements instead of on what Akito's saying. Momiji moves out his knight.

The pieces continue to move and I slowly lose track as my mind is overtaken by Akito. "Who could want to be around someone like you, though? You're so stupid and ignorant. Strange, too. Normal people wouldn't want to be your friend if they knew. They'd hate you. Everyone _hates _ you."

No. Not everyone. It can't be. I don't want it to be like that. I just want someone to accept me. Desperate, I look to the others in the room but they're completely oblivious to what's going on. Akito's voice is too soft for them to ear even though every word pounds in my head, repeating over and over again.

"Everyone," Akito says again.

I concentrate on the chess game, trying as hard as I can not to listen.

"Everyone hates you."

Just then, Momiji triumphs over Hatori, his queen capturing a small pawn, sending the most insignicant piece in the game sprawling in his delight.

Suddenly, Akito backhands me across the mouth, the sound of the impact making a sharp crack. I fall, clutching at my jaw and looking up at him in confusion.

"You," he says, making the word sound accusatory, "will always look at me when I'm speaking to you."

I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, but I… I just want someone to notice me. If I died, would anyone even realize that I had lived? Except for Akito, there's no one to really _see_ me. There's no one who will ever run up to me and say, "Yuki, I've been waiting for you!"

That happened once at school. Another boy was walking down the hall and his friend saw him and did that. He was so happy to see him, he'd had to run to get to him fast enough. Some one had been waiting to see that boy. Some one had wanted him.

But not me. No one will ever wait just for me that way. No one notices or wants me. It was only my imagination that a shocked span of silence had followed when Akito had struck me. My brother hadn't flinched away, and Momiji hadn't bitten his lip in worry. That was just me, trying to make myself believe something that can never be true.

***sniffs* This chapter is one of my favorites and makes me want to cry. How about you? How didn you like it? Please review and tell me! I'll send a thank you private message (if it's signed) and thank you in my AN for chapter eight as well! Please review! Also, did anyone catch how the chess game was paralleled to what was happening between Yuki and Akito? (Not that Hatori or Momiji are also paralleled; they were just who I decided were going to play ches.) Just wondering. Tell me in you review! Please? **


	8. Year 8

**I lied. In a review response to AssasinedAngel, I said that "Year Eight – Thirteen Years Old" was Yukiru. Um… first of all those numbers don't match and it's actually the next chapter (Year Nine) that has a Yukiru theme. Sorry. I didn't mean to mess that up. This chapter is the chapter where I let my love of violent bloody writing come into play. I'm very sorry, Yuki-kun, but this had to be included. Now, before you read, I want you to know that I base Yuki's past on a blend of the anime and manga. That means that in episode thirteen where we see the flashback I consider that canon. Yuki **_**was **_**beaten that way. Akito's abuse was emotional, psychological, and physical. The one type of abuse I am not including in this story is sexual abuse. I just refuse to write that. Well… I might have and sort of wanted to, but I don't consider it canon and since this story is meant to portray Yuki's past as it was, I won't include it.**

**Thank you to AssasinedAngel, the love of Sorrow, ferret assasin nin, HitodeDaikazoku, and wolfeclipse25 who reviewed Year Seven. Also thank you to everyone who caught the chess thing! If you caught it. If you didn't, oh well.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket or its characters and all rights go to its creator, Natsuki Takaya.**

Year Eight: Twelve Years Old

"You haven't spoken in so long," Akito says into the darkness. "I miss hearing your voice. I can't even remember it. Do I need to teach you how to speak, my ignorant little rat? Do I need to force words out of you?"

I refuse to open my mouth. I will not allow him to own everything about me; I'll keep my words and thoughts as my own. He can't have them.

"Fine, then." I hear fabric move as Akito stands up and heads to the door. "The next time I come, I'm going to force you to speak again."

OoOoO

I wait for days for him to come back, counting how many times they bring food for me to keep track. Each day that passes by terrifies me. What is he going to do to me to make me talk?

All I can do is wait in the darkness, longing for the door to open so I can see at least a little light. But I also fear the door. I fear that Akito will be the one to come through it. Every time I hear the creak of the door I flinch and shut my eyes, hoping it won't be him.

Not sleeping is wearing on me. I've caught myself on the verge of sleep so many times and once had to wake myself up. I can't sleep. I won't sleep. I can't let Akito _find_ me sleeping when he's already planning something.

I hear the door open again. Is it him? Please, let him just forget I'm even here. Let everyone forget I'm here, and let me die here. Please, I _want_ to die.

"Are you ready to speak, Yuki?"

No! Please, don't make me. Please, forget me. Forget me and leave me to die, because death has to be better than this.

I cover my ears with my hands, curling into a tight ball with my knees against my chest.

"You still won't speak, then?" There's a pause and I can feel him watching me.

What's going to happen to me? What's he going to do?

"I have a new toy," he says. "And I think I might like to play with both of my favorite toys together."

He sits down in front of me, reaching to turn my face upwards and towards him. "But it seems that one of my toys is broken and needs to be fixed."

My mouth goes dry as he stands up and looks down on me. "When you speak we'll stop. No, how about this instead? When you beg my forgiveness and beg for it to end, _then_ we'll stop."

I squeeze my eyes shut, setting my forehead against my knees. Suddenly, something whistles through the air then strikes my shoulders, leaving a burning streak of pain. It slices through the skin and warm blood surfaces. I gasp, and almost scream, from the shock of the sudden fiery pain. Wh- where did he get a whip?

It comes down again and this time I can't hold back a scream and it comes out hoarse and raspy after nearly three years of disuse. Stop! Please, stop!

"Better, Yuki, but I still need to hear you beg."

No. Please don't make me use my voice. It's mine and I don't want you to have it. If I give my voice to him I know what he'll do. Every word I say will become his knife to stab me with. It will give him more reason to get angry rather than less. My silence is my weapon against him, even as useless as it is against him while beats me.

His whip falls across my shoulders and back and then finds my hands where they clutch at my ears. Stinging and burning pain accompanies each lash; it's more pain than I've ever experienced before and all I want to do is beg for mercy.

But I don't.

If I do, I'll lose my protection against him.

It seems to go on forever, and soon I can't hold back my screams. "Beg!" Akito shouts.

I'm drowning in pain, the intensity of it is suffocating me. Please! Stop! Just stop! Those thoughts reverberate inside my head; they're the only things that I can coherently think. Stop! Please, stop! Overcome with pain, I scream, "Akito! Pl- Please! Stop!" I swallow. "I'm begging you to stop."

Then, he does. I can hear the leather drop to the ground and Akito gasping from the exertion. I can barely breathe and I'm choking on my tears as I cry.

I'm consumed by searing pain, and I've lost the one thing I've kept as protection from Akito He has all of me suspended by a thin thread and he's just waiting to cut it and watch me fall.

Akito rests his hand on the top of my head. "Thank you, Yuki. I'm so glad to have heard your voice." He stands and picks up his whip, taking it with him as he leaves.

If I move it will hurt, so I stay where I am curled on a floor that's wet with my own blood. I don't hear anything outside the door, not even whisper of wind. Silence. Even though somebody *had to have heard my screams, no one comes.

I lower myself to the ground and lay there, hating myself for giving my voice to Akito. Hating my weakness. Hating everything about myself that makes Akito want to hurt me, but never being able to hate _him_. I hate my ignorance. I hate how worthless I am. I hate how everyone ignores and hates me. I hate how strange and freaky I am. I hate _me. _I hate the worthless, stupid, unwanted person I have become.

I'm a hated nothing left here in the dark room as always, until Akito returns to torment me again.

**As I said, violent bloody writing. But what did you think? Was it angsty enough? Did you laugh? Because if you did, I'm going to hit you. What did you think of Yuki's self-hatred at the end? Please tell me! I truly appreciate it!**


	9. Year 9

**The promised Yukiru chapter. Tohru doesn't make an appearance, because I think that would have been mentioned in the manga if Yuki had ever seen her again before high school, but it is Yukiru! Also, remember that Yukiru is almost a full half of my Furuba world. I love it. But I'm not just eriting this for my own indulgence; I writing it because I haven't touched the 'hat scene' as much I should have yet. It's a very important day to Yuki and deserves more than half a mention in a story about his character development during his childhood.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket or its characters. All rights go to Natsuki Takaya who I think must have a love of angst to have written Fruits Basket. (And her other works as well! What I've read has all been angsty.)**

Year Nine – Thirteen Year Old

"Alright," our teacher says, drawing the whole class's attention. "We have an hour of time before school ends and I want all of you to write about an event of love that you've experienced. It needs to be at least five paragraphs. Understood?"

The rest of the class nods and groans at his proposition. As they take out paper and pencils I sit and stare at my desk. I can't think of anything. I can't remember a time when someone showed me love.

I can hear the others' writing and hesitantly bring out some blank paper and pencil. What can I say? Slowly, I write my name at the top of the paper just so I look as if I'm actually working on the assignment.

An idea occurs to me, and I raise my hand. "Usui-sensei, could I write about an event that describes love instead?"

He looks at me a little strangely. "Well, I suppose you could. If that's what you want to do, Sohma-san, go ahead."

I quickly begin writing, suddenly knowing _exactly_ what to write about. The first half of the page fills quickly and I finish the rest before any of the others. A little bit later Usui-sensei gives the class five minutes to finish and lets us know that we'll be sharing what we've written afterward.

Oh. I look back down at what I've written. I hadn't realized that I'd have to read it out loud or talk about it. Suddenly self-conscious, I cover the words with my arm.

"Time's up. Finish your current sentence and put down your pencil."

Usui-sensei waits patiently with a slightly bored look on his face until everyone sets down their pencils. "Now, I'm only going to pick a few of you to share, but if you're called you must tell everyone what you wrote."

There's a chance then. Maybe I won't have to say what I wrote. He calls on a few others first and they talk about special birthday trips, a mother making a favorite meal, and meaningful friendships. All of them sound so warm that I forget about my own work and just sit and listen.

"Sohma-san, why don't you tell us what you wrote about?"

Jolted away from my thoughts, I suddenly realize that everyone is looking at me. My topic seems stupid now, as different as it is from the others.

I swallow before speaking and then begin. "Um… A few years ago, I was out walking and I saw a woman who had lost her daughter. She was worried and crying and yelling at the police."

I look around quickly and notice a few people trying to hold back laughter and I flush, embarrassed. It's not supposed to be funny! It's just… this is what I use to define love.

Face still burning, I go on. "I heard her description and I found the girl and led her back to her mother… and… and they were so happy to have found each other. As if the other was the only person who mattered."

And I was useful. Needed. A person that someone else depended on.

"It makes me happy to know that I helped. That I made a difference." I don't mean to say what I say next, but it comes out anyway. "I love that girl and her mother because I meant something to them. Even if that girl forgets me, I'll still love her."

Those who had tried not to laugh suddenly do. "That's stupid!" one boy says in between laughs. Their laughter echoes in my ears and I want to hide from it.

What's wrong with it? _That_ had been love. That mother had loved her daughter to the point of tears and they'd only wanted to find eachother again. I couldn't fathom anything that was more loving than that.

They keep laughing at me, and at that precious memory until Usui-sensei manages to silence them. "Sohma-san," he says, "although that's a wonderful idea, perhaps it would be a good idea for you to learn what love is. You shouldn't take pleasure from the pain of that mother losing her daughter or of the girl who was lost."

My face is hot as I nod. I didn't think about it that way. I'm not happy she was lost, I'm only happy I could find her.

And as for learning what love is… Who would teach me?

I can still hear someone to trying to hide their laughter and I crumple my paper and hide it away in my desk. But I still love that memory, and I still love that girl.

**Yeah, this is my Yukiru chapter. It's blatantly Yukiru too; he comes right out and says that he loves her, for pity's sake. But of course, it's angsty too. This story is almost all angst and very little else. =_= What did you think, though? When the other kids laughed at him? (That was depressing to write, by the way) How he defines love by how worried Kyoko was? Please tell me anything! Reviews are my sun and moon, I promise you!**


	10. Year 10

**Last chapter to this story (minus the epilogue). Yuki's depressing angsty past finally comes to an end. So sorry, my Yuki-kun. I'll try and write something happy next time. :) I'm sorry this is late, by the way. I was house sitting over the weekend.**

**Also, I want to share with you an idea I had recently. So what would happen is that Yuki would die at a young age. I think Akito will lock him out in the cold and his bronchitis will kill him before anyone realizes. And Yuki's sad little ghost goes to find the one person who needed him because he wants to experience love. That person of course is Tohru. He essentially becomes Tohru's imaginary friend. Kyoko can't see him but she talks him too, since he's Tohru's "imaginary friend". Yuki pretty much follows her everywhere and she talks him to him all the time and... basically happy fluff ensues. Angsty too, of course, but... you know. I'm excited! What do you think? After you read the chapter and in your review *hint hint* feel free to tell me your thoughts on this story idea!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket or its characters. All rights go to Natsuki Takaya**

Year Ten: Fourteen Years Old

Haru's here. Rin came, like she usually does, but she's sitting on the far side of the room not saying anything and just watching.

"I have an idea," Haru says. "But I can't tell you just yet."

I don't care too much, although I am curious what it's about and why he's telling me. I don't bother asking. Haru is Haru and he'll do what he pleases when he wants to.

And because Haru is who he is, he hasn't even touched my hand. He somehow _knows_ these things. He'd listen if I wanted to tell him something, but he also doesn't need to. He figures things out on his own and acts accordingly. He knows I don't want want to be touched by _anyone_. Not even Hatori when he's acting as my doctor. And especially not by Akito.

It's one of the reasons I like Haru so much – I don't have to make myself vulnerable by sharing the feelings I actually want to share with him. He just seems to understand without my speaking.

"You've been getting quiet again," Haru says.

"I know." My voice is soft and almost inaudible.

"This whole thing has been ridiculous for a long time." He's getting annoyed and going into a mood swing, I can tell. But it's a small one, and only a little upset, not destructive like he can be. "Akito shouldn't be allowed to keep you here."

"But he is allowed," I say. "My parents don't care, anyway. What does it even matter?"

Rin suddenly stands up. "I'm sick of this." She looks at the half-open door. "I'm leaving."

It marks the end of Haru's visit as usual and, he promises to come back and then he's gone.

What could he have meant by what he said? It doesn't make any sense and I don't get it. I don't get the chance to mull over it long, seeing as the door opens again and I can hear Akito's footsteps nearing.

_Please,_ I silently beg, _just let it be over soon. Let it be over soon._

OoOoO

I don't want to live anymore. I don't want to keep hoping that someday I'll escape this darkness when I know it will never happen. And if even hoping is going to bring me pain, I'd rather die.

I've had these thoughts before about not wanting to live, but they wwere passing phases that faded in and out. I'm certain now. I've made my decision and I'm going to follow through with it.

I've stopped eating the food they brng me. I'll drink the water, but I refuse to eat. Eventually, it will kill me and do me and everyone else a favor.

I'm sitting in school right now, and my stomach feels as if its burning inside. My body is begging for ourishment, but I refuse to eat. I won't.

Not ever again.

I'll die first.

OoOoO

Please, let me die soon. Let me die soon. They keep bringing food every once in a while and I have to stare at it as it tempts me. I have to remind myself that the relief it will give me is only temporary while death frees me from everything.

"Yuki," Hatori had lectured a few days ago, "You need to eat. You'll die otherwise." Then, his eyes had widened a little in realization. "That's what you're doing isn't it?"

I hadn't answered him.

"Yuki, if you won't eat I _will_ force feed you."

"I'm not a child," I snapped. "It's my decision; it won't affect anyone else."

Almost a week has passed since I've stopped eating and had only water. Akito's angry with me, and he was yelling earlier. I still wouldn't eat. I just lay at his feet and let him scream and kick at my weakened body.

Haru came to ask me if I would eat for him, at least. "I'm sorry," I had told him. "I can't."

Now, the door opens again and this time foosteps I don't usually hear sound across the floor until they stop in front of me. Someone bends over my curled form. "Want to come live with me?"

Shigure's voice has a smile in it and when I look up at him in confusion he asks again, "Do you want to live at my house? I've asked Akito and he's willing to let you."

Tears suddenly spring to my eyes. "You mean… live on the outside? Away from the main house?"

Shigure nods. "That's where I live after all."

I can hardly speak as my mind wraps around what he's saying. Live… away from the main house, away from Akito. Out of this dark room. "Th- Thank you."

I get the feeling he's doing this for some one else's sake and not mine, but it doesn't matter. I'm going to be free.

OoOoO

"You can have this room," Shigure says, gesturing to the empty room.

My room. It's a pair of words that I've always associated with darkness and nothingness, but this room is different. "It has windows."

Shigure gives me an odd look. "I'm ordering in our supper and Haa-san told me that if you don't eat at least some of it, I'm supposed to call him."

I don't say so, but I already have eaten. I found food as soon as I could sneak into the kitchen at the main house after it had been confirmed that I would live with Shigure. I don't have to die anymore to escape that darkness.

After he leaves, I walk over to the window, putting my hand flat against the glass. "It has windows," I say once again, almost disbelieving. The curtains aren't quite all the way open, and I throw them open as wide as they can go, letting the sunlight spill into the room.

**He's out! Finally! I liked writing this chapter. It made me happy. What is not a happy occasion is that my rats have chewed a five inch corner out of my Furuba wall scroll. *cries* They're rare! You can't just get them anywhere anymore! And they're expensive to boot. *cries again* Please make my days a little brighter and review. I'd really like to know what you think. What about the window thing? Or Haru and Rin? And Shii-chan? Please tell me and review!**

**Now excuse me while I continue to mourn my beloved wall scroll. :'( :'( :'(**


	11. Epilogue: Year 12

**This is it. Here's the epilogue to **_**Year by Year. **_**I hope you enjoyed everything up until this point and that maybe you can understand Yuki-kun just a little bit more than you did before. That was sort of my point in writing this you see. Well, that and I love writing about his past and I didn't want to suddenly shove a bunch of one-shots at you. **

**By the way, OfAmethystEyes actually has amethyst eyes now. I got a pair of purple color contacts for my cosplay. Squee! I'm so happy! I'm wearing them when I go trick-or-treating on Monday (with my Yuki cosplay) and yes, I'm seventeen and still trick-or-treat. Come on, it's free candy! (I feel like I've said this before…)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket or its characters. All rights go to Takaya-sensei.**

Epilogue – Year Twelve – Sixteen Years Old

I don't understand. I haven't been this confused in a long time, and I wish I didn't have to be now. Honda-san seems to genuinely care about me and I don't understand. I don't know how to respond to some one caring about me this way.

It seems so out of place. As if it's something I shouldn't even be allowed to have, but she gives it to me anyway. When someone cares about you, what are you supposed to do? I care about her, but how am I supposed to respond beyond that? How do people show gratitude for things like this? I want to _show_ her how grateful I am.

OoOoO

He's here. He came to the school. Akito. Damn it. Damn my stupid weakness. Damn my worthless life. How long can this possibly go on? How long is Akito going to demand my presence so that he can feel superior make me feel like a nothing? I know that I am what he says, but why does he have to continually remind me even after I've left the main house?

My whole world has suddenly become frozen on a precipice, ready to tip and send me falling into darkness. It's less than an hour ago that I had been able to fool myself that I lead something of a normal life with friends and acceptance, but now Akito's come to snatch all of that away again.

I walk through the halls, hardly thinking of anything but the presence I'm now painfully aware of. I have to avoid him. I could do that so easily; find my way to the classroom without letting him see me. He can't be everywhere at once.

Then I realize something that makes me feel cold. Honda-san went ahead of us. She's on her way to the classroom with no idea that Akito's here somewhere. Recalling the way she went, I switch directions and follow her knowing that I have to make sure Akito doesn't touch her or say anything to her. He can't. He could frighten her, or say something nasty to her, or… or… The possibilities urge me forward even more.

I won't let him. I won't let him ruin that caring person who's come to mean so much to me. She's one of two people I can trust everything to, and I won't let Akito take that away. She's the first person to accept me and I can't allow her to be hurt.

I can still avoid him, but I don't. I want to but I know that I won't. Her safety means more than mine and if I'm with her he won't… won't say or do anything to anyone but me. That's how he thinks.

As I turn the next corner my heart stops and my mind begins to spin and pound. She's talking to him. What's he saying to her? I can't… I can't let him continue. I can't.

"Akito," I say, my voice coming out more frightened than I'd meant it to. All the same, I gain his full attention, like I knew I would. I know my eyes are wide with fear and I can feel sweat breaking out along my hairline, but I don't back away from him and let him come up to me.

He says something to me, but I ignore it. "What did you do?" I ask. "What did you do to Honda-san?"

"Nothing. We were just exchanging greetings." His answer is too innocent, but then he even has Honda-san confirm it.

I don't believe him, but I also don't have time to think about it. His voice is all around me and echoing in my head while he speaks; I can't even comprehend what he's saying. I'm too terrified of his presence to realize seemingly anything. Honda-san's safe though, and that's all that matters.

But then his hand rests on the side of my face and all I can think is, "Don't touch me. I beg you not to touch me." I hear his voice coherently say, "I may have to re-educate you."

I know he did it on purpose, but I'm thrown back into painful memories. The acrid smell of paint as he shoved a bucket and brush into my arms and ordered me to start coating the walls with it. The way he screamed at me and the way he whispered into my ear. My mother and brother looking rigt through me as if I wasn't there, and turning away even when they saw my suffering.

Darkness. An inky black that swallowed me whole.

I feel as though I'm falling, my mind screaming for it to end. Make it stop! Make it stop!

Akito's hand is suddenly gone – Honda-san has a slightly shocked look on her face and her arms are outstretched, still in place after pushing Akito away. My mind settles a little. I can hear Honda-san's voice say something about being late for class, and Akito's response.

He looks at me, a small smile on his face. "You should come visit me soon." After that, he turns and walks away.

I try and compose myself as best I can before I asked her, "Honda-san… he… he didn't say anything strange to you did he?"

Honda-san shakes her head. "No. He really did just say hello."

"Oh."

I try to breathe normally again, and center myself. She's okay. He didn't touch her or say anything. She's safe.

Few things in this world make me feel even slightly wanted and needed. Honda-san is one of them and even if I don't know how to show my gratitude for her caring about me that way, I'll protect her innocence from the darkness of the Sohma family as best I can.

She's the light at the end of a dark tunnel, and I'll do anything to make sure the light doesn't fade or go out.

"Yuki-kun, let's do something fun together!" she says suddenly.

I'm confused. "Eh?"

"School ends early today and Hana-chan and Uo-chan have said how it's been a while since we've had some fun." She's… smiling so brightly, and I can almost forget about what happened watching her smile that way. "It's a rare opportunity, so let's do something fun!"

She grabs my hand and takes off running, leading me behind her. Her hand is so warm and loving. Only minutes ago, the last thing I wanted was to be touched but I don't mind if it's Honda-san. I can completely trust that she won't hurt me.

_There's something I wanted. Something I've envisioned. Parents who hold you. A home you feel you can return to. A place where everyone smiles. A me… that people don't distance themselves from. A warm place. Warm people. They really do exist._

Honda-san's hand in mine is that warm place and she is that warm person. She's the home I want to return to. Everyone around her can't help but smile, and she willingly spends time with me and doesn't distance herself.

Someday, I'll tell her how I feel. Someday I'll repay her for all that she's done for me. But for now, I only want to stay by her side and never leave.

**Yes. I quoted. I'm allowed to do that, right? I hope so. I found the quote on Kativa-chan's profile because I still don't own the manga *shakes fist tearfully* I had to Google for the direct quote and hers seemed the closest. I can't say that all the other quoting was quite as dead on as I would have liked, but I looked up the scans and wrote as closely to what I remember being said in the Tokyo Pop translation. What did you think? I seriously want to know. This chapter came out better than I thought it would and I want your opinions. So please...? Review!**


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